Tag Archive: cjbeamish

Tell me what I am
for I no longer seem to understand
for as I walk
I only stand
– stuck in shifting sands

I merely come from this race of man
but what is my expectation –
lost in meaningless fixations
my heart can take no more of my minds compensations

My war is so long over
what am I still fighting for
is it this disjointed beating in my chest
that keeps looking for more

For my war is long over
I am not who I was anymore
striving for an endless calm
but the fight is all I’ve come to know

Take me from my temptations
I don’t want them anymore
make me who I was before
– before I realized everything isn’t what it was anymore

The street girl who once saved me
doesn’t live behind those her hallow eyes
something ate into her bones and hallowed her inside
the brother I found in that place of wreckage
soul was claimed by the war

Streets laced with addiction
of temptations
the violence that was seen till eyes grow sore
why do you still reflect on those visions?  – when you don’t see them any more

No longer plagued by the endless addictive fixations
no longer in the place that pain came for –
why do you meander through its battle zone
you don’t come from there anymore


you take bitter words
from battered young lungs
refrain –
and re-frame
from what you’ve become
massacred moments
of what was your past
tainted old feelings that die with the last
of hopes
and off dreams
when all you had left was your will to breath

windows to a soul that can no longer bleed
blinded old eyes
defining a new term for needs

memories of lost souls
and what needed done
when your freedom to live
is the only one thing –
that cant be undone

breath with me
see with me who i once was
and rise with me
try with
the phoenix iv become

rise with me
try with me
from the ashes i come

cj beamish


Be it brave

Be the one you had to be
Before you lost the hope
The dream
Be the one
who’s steady and free
Who’s rock
Who’s iron
Who’s ment to be

Not this week
And bitter dream
Be the one
Bore from ice
Be the one
Who can entice
Weather it be wrong
Or right

Be it
To finally see
What I am
Instead of
what you made of me

old lies

What are these things
inside my mind
within my ears
circling inside?

What are these thoughts
could they be mine
could they be trusted
could they be lies

What are these hopes
but the promise of tears
but the whispers that linger
of old untold fears?

What is this need
for the things deep within
that crawl under the surface
that twist in the skin?

Can I be human
or some other kin
made of destruction
and masochistic whims

Looking for happiness
anywhere but within
too afraid to see
for that’s where they sit

The voices that churn me
for this way or that
saying I can
saying I can’t

Tell me this turmoil
that I can leave it behind that my heart can be trusted
to tell more than just lies

our fears

what can i say for the week
but words a fool would seek

and what is there to be said
when the words that circle in our heads

only tell us of whats not left
for us any more
for the doors have all but closed

and its up to us to know
its up to us to show

why we’re still here
here my dear
for this place will expose our fears
all our fear

its how the gear
how they’ve made it,through the years

by  exposing us to our peers

our fears
our fears
our fears

of simply being alone

the boy vs the man

he’s dark
he’s the mark
of everything
– of the ring
of the sting
of what lays
– within

for the man
can’t stand
what he is

but the boy
always toys –
-with everything

But he can’t –
he knows not –
which one he is

because the man
knows his father
to be a monster
in human skin
who’d he can’t
would never chance
letting in
because he can’t
would never chance –
letting his blood right in

But the boy
with the toys
wants the gifts he brings
wants what he is
– a father
and the daughters
– his sisterss
– his next to kin
he beleives
he knows
desserve better then him

but his mother
…he shudders
because of the things his father did
-has to feel the hurt
– has to make it work
every day – with out him

and the boy
always toys
with the thought of why him
because he razes them
(his sisters)
as if they were his

protecting them
defending them
because they’ll never be hit

like him
like his mother
by his/ how his
father did

but the boy
alway toys
with …
…what if