Category: rambling

what i need today

the night
– is calls with out question
-it seems so absurd
the thoughts
-wonder past recognition
-these visions that conspire
can longer described by mere words

I’m lost in a place with out pleasure
I’m lost in a place with out pain
I’m lost In the place past desire
in the back of my brain

what I want…
I can not place words on
what I want…
I do not know what to say
what I… need
to know where I got these chains from
if only to convince my self I don’t need them today


They always told us what to fear
They alway reminded us who was in charge
They alway showed us the men in the dark
People who miss use power
Something sharp
The wrath of god
An angry mob
They always told me what to fear
But they never told me to fear myself

They told me some people go insane
Some times things get twisted in the brain
That some times men see monsters from there mind
But unless your seeing things that aren’t there
Or hearing voices in your head your just fine
They always told me when to be scared
But they never talked about being scared of my self

They said she was weak when she died
That she couldn’t handle
All things we all have in life
That she found it a battle
the things we all have on mind
That she turned her back to the good in her life
They talked about what it meant to be weak
But they never spoke about the strength of the pain in the mind

They always talked about the dirtiness of self pity
About how you would lose respect
If you didn’t wrap it up quickly
They always told us the sin of suicide
The damage that’s left
The mess you’d leave behind
They never spoke of the unrelenting pain of the mind

They always told me how to deal with wicked people
They never told me how to deal with the wicked thing inside myself
They only ever said be good. Keep your mouth shut. And keep your hands to your self
No one ever told me what to do with the part of me that was hurting myself

They always told me what to be afraid of
No one ever warned me about my self

We fall in love with it
The pain inside our head
Obsessing until it becomes part of us
Like a sacrifice to god we love because we fear him ,
Creating the mass epidemic
Of depression and false longing that seems to consume us all

We no longer live in the moment
We capture it on a screen to save it for later
Store it away
For it to grow stale
So maybe some one else can verify it for us
To acknowledge it’s existence

Hope less?
With out verification
Trying to find the meaning of life as if it was something more then just living
Just as our hearts desperately beat only to be able to beat again over and over
with out stoping until it can’t can’t anymore
Why can’t we just live like that
Every day
Over and over
To the best we can
So we are able to tomorrow
Over and over until we fiscally can’t any more
Like the heart


I fell in love with it
Dissecting the past
Toying with the remains
like it meant something
Like I’d find something there
That would open up a view of luminescence dancing in my eyes
Like a final answer to the unvoiced
Untangible questions dancing behind my eyelids

Taking me away from the present leaving a comatose body
Glued to my sick bed
Nocked down and out of reality
By the hurtling impact of my own regrets
Disconnected from reality
Looking for the answers to the future
In what was already gone
Instead of the ripe budding fruit in front of me
Trapped in side my mind
Running on Fumes
When all I needed was to fill my tank with gasoline in front of me
To set flames to the past
Letting the vast cannons of doubt
Burn away

the deep seas churning round and round
the waters blurring all the sound
Do I slip beneath the lips
Of the beast
Do I let my soul release
From the bondage of the land

Do I taste the salt
Let the beasts blood wash away
The dirt that works between the bone
Causing the grinding pain

And as my madness echoes like the whispers of the sky
Twisting in to my ears
Echoes in the mind

I wonder what it would be like to be one with the waves and disappears in to the night

Lovers door

You were always jet black
Green eyes in the dark
Pale lips parted
openings to the heart
Lights Flout
Soft feathers
Hopes drift like ash
Dreams mocked with laughter
By your side
A faithful lover
The past will not stray
Your foolish monsters
Were the only thing that kept my beasts at bay
The winds
They twist strangeness in to faces
A twin that was not there before
Beware the lover
That stands beside you
Do not open the door

where is the man who use to call my name once
who’s twisted whispers played upon my ears
in between the lies – some where our love was crucified
on a cross of our fears

the night it plays with our memory
the darkness laces between my eyes
and somewhere in the distance
like a shimmer of the stars there is a vision
but just like the ancient star it is a ghosts light

once we stood clasped together like praying hands
our hearts wrapped together in a desperation  that could not be eased
but as the night grew cold
and hearts cooled from a jealous soul
in your hatred you became hypnotized –
and your pain could not be relieved

do you remember when i asked you not to let me go
do you remember when i whispered for you not to leave
but in the mists of  your betrayals , i parted through midnight vail
and headed for the sea
you never asked me not to go
as i faded did you see
how i hesitated,
in the motions of leaving i still waited
or could you not bring yourself to look to me

do you remember when you loved me
do you think of me as ghost
sometimes does our old love haunt you
does my phantom interrupt you  as you sleep
do you still love me when you dream

in time i have learned to love another
in time i have let our dreams fade away
the man who holds me he is as you were
unable to be tamed
but he does not look for his monster
he does not ever stray
he does not run he keeps me safe here
he keeps the pain away

i have learned to love another
the woman he knows is soft and kind
he does not see the monsters –
that swim in my souls waters
for that i owe,too love being blind

i let him believe he is the wild one
i let him not worry of what I’ve seen
and you would not recognize me
for our old ways iv left behind be
but they haunt me in my dreams

I came to rest within your depths
the thought of hope my great temptation
but when handed it to you, the more then my all
this came to be my great damnation
and you say to me you use to be an honest soul just as i
but they hurt you deep they let the pain seep
until every breath was a lie

You use the words to repute
that it was by no miss deed you disrupted me
but saying that by them changing you
you have right to take my trust
and thrust it
as far as you can from me
I was to week ,
painfully week and you claim I needed disrupting

But by my broken heart
as it stops and it starts
I will not be like you

For it takes a selfish soul
who only thinks of themselves alone
to never give
but promise love
and to blame the other
for giving love
for having such passion in the happiness of another

A broken heart
can be made hard
but it’s a selfish soul
to think of their pain alone
to blame the one they hurt for even coming

I was born again
My friend
From an egg inside my soul

With out a peace
Or a promise
To make me hole

It made little seance to carry on
So I let it all go
I died

But revived
Maybe I can find home

For my self
Before I move on
I must leave you
– my past a lingering ghost
I must go
Don’t you know
This time I must walk this road alone

This is not a tail for the faint of heart
nor a tail of old
it will not speak of spender great
ancient wisdoms it may not be told

Dark and dank and vicious thing
of yet it soon may tell
I cannot promise but – I do not think – that it is a spell

It is not of thoughts the sane might think
but as I contemplate on its mirth
telling of the tails within its time – soon you may be worth
so ponder it as I may
and wonder it I must
I cannot stop the thoughts I think
so speak of it I must


There is a place
an unbottomed pit
that no man has ever found
or for if he has he did not live to speak of it or rephrase its sound

There is a pit with in the earth that flows all the way down
and in its never ending way circles back around

Within there lurks a man admits the dark and fire of it all
a man that is – as it seems – is not a man at all
I saw this man of fiery flesh within a waking dream
made burning of brimstone things
and truly delusionary seams
I saw this man that was of night
But masquerades as day
I saw this man that was a beast
that was no beast in the way we know of beasts this day
the serpent of the olden days the dragon
the demonic sun of god
he must have been the fallen one
for he inspired a sinking awe
and as I wonder on my dreams I have learned of us as lams
for in the ancient books it claim this  is that
as of what we shall be depicted as
so as I wonder of this hock
of this final jab
as to why
he of monstrous things
is depicted as a ram

If Babylon had not been torn
if its knowledge had been known
would the mystery of this truly darkened thing
Surely of been known
for as I know of such damned things I wonder if we are of the same as he
or if it is to only say he is just a bendable
as they claim as thus as me